Hurt.

It can happen to anyone, anywhere, at any point in time. Hurt has no rhyme or reason. It just happens to people at different stages of their lives.

And today, it happened to me.

This isn't the first time, and it won't be the last. So is life. But it is painful. Life is sometimes painful. What you said to me today was painful.

We were talking about how it is our fault things cannot turn out the way we want them to, and we both accepted the fact. It is your fault, and my fault. It is both our faults. You said that maybe in a couple of months, things will change. I responded happier. But then you went on and said "But we can't make any mistakes this time." What mistakes? I don't regret anything that happened. I don't see how mistakes were made. Was this all just one big mistake to you? Did what we have mean nothing? I hope not. Because to me, it wasn't a mistake. I regret nothing, and I have no idea why you do. You are making this a lot more painful then it needs to be. What happened was NOT so bad. It wasn't a big deal. It was nothing. But it meant something to me, and I know it meant something to you too.

To hear you refer to it as "mistakes" is painful. I know that the events that went on meant something to you, because right after they happened, you told me so yourself. How does your mind just suddenly change? Just because we have hit one bump in the road, are you going to draw back completely? And give in? I can't take it.

Sometimes I wonder if you really mean everything you say. You told me you meant it. If that was really true, you would try harder. To care. To be there. To stick up for yourself.

What happened wasn't so bad. Why can't you look at it in a more positive way?

Know that I regret nothing. And no mistakes were ever made. And I know it is that way for you too. All I am waiting for is for you to admit.

"You don't really love me, but you keep me hanging on." -Quinn Fabre (Glee)

December 28th, 2009

Today was a great day. I accomplished a lot, and had a fun time with everyone.

It was Katy's birthday. We had a movie/mall/dinner day with Presston, Julie, Curtis, Allie, and Jenna.

Movie:
There wasn't enough available seats in the movie for all of us to sit in a row, so we made Curtis sit in between two seats. He didn't seem to mind at all.

Mall:
Presston was OBSESSED with the store Clare's. He could stay in there for hours. Everyone had to shove him out of the store. There was this creepy guy sitting in a chair that kept watching us...

Then came the text messages...
Jenna and I had a mission, haha. And neither of us wanted to attempt it, so we made Presston do it. He did. But it backfired. Everything backfired. Everyone ended up finding out about it. Oh well. It all turned out alright.


Dinner:
Oh Lord. Bucca Di Beppo. The waitress gave us this table that spins around...with the Pope's head in a glass case. We kept spinning it around so the Pope would glare at Presston, and he totally got freaked out. He looked like he was going to cry. Mission accomplished? I think so. Julie and Allie pointed out that he was wearing a Yamacka. The Pope is secretly Jewish!

Car ride home:
Me, Curtis, Presston, Julie, Mr. Fortman. I felt bad for the car.... More text messeges happened between the four of us. Some turned out good, others didn't. And the whole time, we kept bothering Presston about how the Pope hated him. He's totally freaked out now...it's awesome.

This day was full of fun, laughter, and accomplishment. I told someone what they needed to hear...and I'm glad I did. It was worth it.

Blog

The reason I have created this blog, is not because I want others to read it. I have created this blog because I need a place to write. To get all of my thoughts out. If I do, hopefully I will feel better. That is the goal. And it has worked for a lot of people.

I'm hoping it will work for me.